63 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Confidence is a tool you can use in your
everyday life to do all kinds of cool stuff,
not least to stop second-guessing yourself,
manage your fears and become able to do
more of the things that really matter to you.
But not many people realise that their self-
confidence works just like a muscle – it
grows in response to the level of
performance required of it. Either you use it
or you lose it. That’s why I’ve given you 63
ways to grow your confidence so that you
can become a giant.
1. Learning is a Good Thing, so sign up for
that evening class and enjoy it.
2. Get out of your own head by asking your
partner or best friend what you can do
for them today.
3. Hit the gym. The physiological effects
will leave you feeling great.
4. Go to a networking event and focus on
how you can be helpful to other people
rather than being nervous about your
own stuff.
5. Get crystal clear on the things that truly
matter to you. If they’re not in your life,
you need to bring them in.
6. Write a list of the things you’re tolerating
and putting up with in your life, then
write down how you can remove,
minimise or diminish each one.
7. Look at a great win or success you’ve
experienced and give yourself credit for
your part in it. Recognising your
achievements is not egotistical, it’s
healthy.
8. Next time you’re at a social event, don’t
just stick with the people you know – go
and have a conversation with someone
you don’t know and you never know
what – or who – you’ll discover.
9. Next time you talk yourself out of doing
something (a party invite, a challenging
project or whatever else), say ‘What the
Hell ’ and go do it anyway.
10. Do one thing each day that makes you
smile (on the inside or on the outside).
11. Look for the patterns of thought that
take you to a place where you start
second-guessing or over-thinking. Now
imagine that your best friend went
through exactly the same thought
process and ended up holding
themselves back – what would you want
to say to them?
12. Ask out that girl or guy you fancy the
pants off (only if you’re single, don’t
want to get you into trouble).
13. You have to keep your mind well fed, so
write a list of 20 things that keeps your
mind feeling nourished and make sure
you’re giving them room in your life.
14. Stop playing different roles and
squeezing yourself into boxes based on
what you think people expect you to act
like.
15. Learn to catch yourself every single time
you tell yourself that you can’t have,
won’t get or aren’t good enough to get
what you want.
16. Take yourself off auto-pilot – make
deliberate decisions on what really
matters to you.
17. Next time you come up against a risk or
a challenge, listen to what you tell
yourself and look for a way that that
inner dialog can be improved. Ask
yourself, “What would make this easier ?”
18. Scared of looking silly? You and
everyone else. It’s no biggie so don’t let
it stop you. Say it with me – “It just
doesn’t matter. ”
19. Don’t think for a second that you can’t
be confident. There are already loads of
things you do with natural self-
confidence, you just have to notice them
and get familiar with how it feels. Look
for the things you do where the question
of whether you’re confident enough never
arises.
20. Listen to your doubts but be ready to
make deliberate decisions once you’ve
heard them. Sometimes your doubts are
there to let you know what you need to
prepare for, so you can use them to your
benefit as you move forwards.
21. Think of a time when it felt like a whole
bank of switches in your head flicked to
the on position and you were firing on all
cylinders. What were you doing and
what’s the reason it felt so great?
22. You’ve got a whole bunch of out-dated
rules that determine what you do, don’t
do, should do and shouldn’t do. These
rules limit your thinking and limit your
behaviour. Tear up your rule book and
notice how free you are to make great
decisions.
23. Do you get annoyed with yourself
because you didn’t make the most of
something or stepped back form an
opportunity? Don’t beat yourself up
because that’s just going to make you
feel worse. Instead, be brutally honest
and ask yourself what you gained from
the situation and what you lost out on.
Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a
different choice you can make next time?
24. If you’d already done everything in life
you’d have no need to be scared. Don’t
ever think that being scared means
you’re not confident, it simply means
you’re going somewhere new.
25. If there’s someone in your life who puts
you down or makes you feel small, you
owe it to yourself to let them know that
you expect something different from now
on. You deserve better.
26. Flirt. It’s a harmless way to play around
with connecting with people and having
fun.
27. Reveal a little bit of the real you in a
relationship that might feel like it’s in a
rut.
28. Acknowledge and welcome all of your
experiences – the good stuff as well as
the bad stuff. It’s all equally valid and
hiding things away because you don’t
like them is just creating conflict.
29. Always recognise that you’re more than
a match for any situation you might find
yourself in, no matter how tough the
going gets.
30. Don’t get swept up in the drama of
what’s happening right now, look for
more useful ways of engaging with what
happens in your life.
31. Don’t automatically give in to the instant
pay-off – it often means you’re selling
yourself short.
32. When you feel like stamping your foot
and yelling “ I deserve better than this! ”,
take a step back and say “I can BE
better than this. ”
33. Confidence sometimes means admitting
you’re wrong – always be ready to hold
your hands up and change your mind.
34. Trust your instincts. They know what
they’re talking about.
35. Fear is a way of letting you know that
you’re about to stretch yourself and
grow your confidence. That’s a good
thing, so use it to take yourself forwards
rather than run away.
36. Imagine you’re visited by a successful,
confident, attractive and vibrant version
of you from the future, a version of you
who’s everything you hope to be. What
do they want to tell you?
37. Don’t feel like you have to do everything
yourself – sometimes the most confident
thing to do is ask for help.
38. Take a chance on something tomorrow.
Anything, big or small, just take a
chance.
39. You need to be around people who make
you feel like YOU, so spend more time
with the people who support and
encourage you and less with those who
undermine you.
40. Stop struggling against the things you
don’t like in your life – create a
congruent environment around you that
flows and allows you to be you.
41. No man’s an island, and you need to be
a part of the world you around to feel
confident. What can you participate in
that’s important to you?
42. Forget the pro’s and con’s – do
something bold in the face of your
challenges and fears.
43. Work on developing the skills you need
to win at the things that matter to you.
What can you practice that would
radically improve your chances of
winning?
44. The body is a mirror for the mind, so
shifting your body into a confident state
can have surprising results.
45. Don’t get disheartened or demotivated
when you get to 90% with something
you’re working on – push through and
you’ll see that the last 10% is where the
magic happens.
46. Keep comparing yourself to others?
Stop it, don’t try to validate yourself
through comparison – you’re just peachy
as you are.
47. Put your head above the parapet at work
and speak up if there’s something you
think could be improved or if you have
an idea you think has legs.
48. If there’s something you’ve been
struggling to understand for a while,
stop trying to understand it. Accept it
just as it is, fully and wholly.
49. Shy with new people? Not a problem,
there’s nothing wrong with being shy
and it doesn’t mean you’re not
confident. Just don’t overthink it, start
beating yourself up or thinking you’re
less than because you’re shy – the more
you think like that the worse it gets.
50. Your environment directly impacts your
self-perception, so if you’re surrounded
by clutter, paperwork and rubbish put a
morning aside to clean up your stuff and
get organised.
51. Write yourself a list of the amazing
things you’d love to do in your life, and
make a start by simply looking into the
first one or two things that leap out at
you.
52. Don’t make your happiness or self-worth
dependent on being in a relationship or
being validated by someone else. Find
your inherent value first, and your
relationships and confidence will be
immeasurably better.
53. Your strengths can be used to overcome
any of your weaknesses. We all have
weaknesses but they only undermine
your confidence if you let them.
54. The longer you leave that big thing on
your to-do list the more it’ll drain you
and the bigger it’ll seem – get it done
and free yourself up.
55. What golden threads, themes, patterns
and passions have always been in your
life? If those things aren’t present in
your life right now, you need to shift
your priorities.
56. Your body image does matter, because if
you have a bad relationship with your
body you won’t be feeling confident in
yourself. Get trim if you need to, just
make sure you get along with your body.
57. Being confident is an ongoing process.
It isn’t a goal or an end-point that you
reach and then stop. Keep playing to
the best of your ability and your
confidence will always be there to
support you.
58. Try a new path.  The well-trodden paths
of your life can easily turn from
familiarity to apathy and disconnection.
A new path wakes you up.
59. Don’t say “Yes” to taking on a task
simply because you don’t want to rock
the boat – you can politely decline
requests you can’t meet and don’t need
to create an excuse for it.
60. Look at the people you respect who
seem confident – don’t copy them, but
identify what it is they do differently that
conveys confidence and what you can
learn from it.
61. Make a plan to do something, then make
deliberate choices to follow through.
Seeing progress gives you important self-
reinforcement.
62. When you feel yourself focusing inwards
and becoming paralysed with doubt or
fear, switch to focusing outwards at
what you can engage and interact with.
63. Still beating yourself up for failing or
screwing up? It might not be a barrel of
laughs but it’s not going to help you get
through it. Much better to recognise
that everything, whether it turns out or
not, is how you practice living a rich life.
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